Deeper self-development started for me at the beginning of my 20’s when my mother took me to Silva method course. It is a method that enables one to reach the deeper levels of their mind and thus change reality. I had always been fascinated by such topics, yet I had never attended such a course before.
I was going through a rather difficult time in my life back then. I consumed alcohol and drugs frequently, I had ongoing financial issues, my partner-relationship was complicated and my relationship to myself non-existent. After finishing the course I applied the methods taught there and my life suddenly started improving rapidly. Changes on the material plane came quietly and consistently. I found great interest rising in me – what else can I learn to improve my life?
At the time many different inspiring teachers were gaining popularity in the world by teaching people to manifest their dream lives by the power of their mind. One of the most famous was and still is American author and self-help coach Anthony Robbins whose wonderful charisma and ability to motivate empowered many to change their lives.
Our own Tony Robbins at that time in Estonia was the self-help coach Peep Vain. I attended three times Peep’s training course “Learning to Achieve”. I walked proudly over smouldering coals twice and all the dreams I wrote down in the first training course were fulfilled rather quickly. For years I was captivated by such courses and went through them with great enthusiasm. I listened to the coaches tell astonishing tales of how they came from a place where they were homeless and how they became millionaires.
Courses of this type made people strive further, higher, faster. I had turned my life around in many places as well and as such methods had helped me so much I kept working with them. At one moment though, it was as if my development came to a halt. I figured that I’m not dedicating enough time to the methods or that I’ve lost my way of correct application. Something was off, but at the time I couldn’t understand what it was.
I experienced the greatest progress in the development of my inner world when I started studying yoga and tantric teachings. When before my progress manifested externally – work, home, etc. – as it was what I was working with, then now it was I who changed. The more I delved into spiritual teachings, the more I realised and sensed how the methods I had been taught to manifest with were focused on the external – mostly money and things. All such teachings though keep us locked on the not so harmonious level of the ego. Many wishes and wants about our external lives are not connected to our true needs, but are rather connected to lower levels of the ego.
I dare to say that most people have no idea what their true needs are. Because a large part of what we think we need is just what we have been programmed to believe by the society, our environment. It is natural that we have wishes connected to our deeper needs as well, but these are few and far between compared to all the wishes that are focused on materialistic values. The mentality that all these teachings carry is “let’s make things happen” with the focus on “make”. It demands a lot of action, thinking, visualising, manifesting, etc.
Having been on my tantric path for a few years, one day I was conversing with a friend of mine who is a rather successful coach of entrepreneurs in Estonia. He had become more interested in the spiritual world as well in the recent years. During that conversation my friend happened to say these golden words: “The more conscious I become, the more I let things happen, rather than making things happen.” True, I had been coming closer and closer to such a place, but this simple sentence in our conversation opened a whole new world for me.
Many years have passed since that dialogue. It has taken quite some time for me to live by that mindset and still I sometimes find myself in places where I would like to force life, because it seems that otherwise it won’t go the right way. Yet by now I’m able to trust life nine times out of ten – and this is pretty good result.
I’ve been looking back on the last 15 years quite a lot recently. Even though I’ve been on the spiritual path all these years, the best and happiest time in my life is now.
A dear friend of mine who is a tanta tao teacher had invited me to be a therapist in their training in Bali or Thailand and we had talked about this a few times. Each time the though of it seemed impossible. To take time away for a month from my work and home was impossible. I just couldn’t figure out how all this can match financially and time wise. So I just ditched the idea.
When I met my friend again in autumn at a tantric festival in Ibiza I brought the idea came up again. We agreed that I will go to a women’s course as a therapist in half a years’ time – enough time for me to feel safe that I can organise all my usual obligations and be free to leave for a month. I was surprised though when quite soon I found an e-mail in my inbox asking if I can come in two and a half months. I had no idea how can I organize everything on such a short notice, yet I decided to trust. I just let go of all my ideas of how things should work out. And what happened was that everything started to fall in place to make it possible. Everything I needed to be able to leave just fell in my lap. I spent two wonderful months in Bali instead of the initial one. Life carried me to many wonderful people whom will sprout many new beginnings.
The path I’ve passed in the past eight months seems mystical and unbelievable at points. In these months life has showed me more than ever how everything is perfect in every moment and fits in the grand scheme. I have learned to take a step back and take a moment to be in a conscious state in different life situations.
I have understood that we don’t need to force anything in life. The only state where to be is complete trust and flow. For years I’ve had this mantra for all life situations: “Everything in our lives happens for our greatest good.” Trust me, sometimes there are situations that aren’t easy at all to perceive in such a way, at least not immediately. As time passes I almost always see how everything that goes on in our lives truly does happen for our greatest well-being. Now I just let life flow and see where I am carried. I trust life and listen to my inner voice. It needs to be learned to listen.
I see how many people are going through changes in their lives. These changes are small and big, sometimes wished for and sometimes unexpected. Thus I see many people suffering. Suffering is not caused by nothing else than the current way of thinking. Our understanding and knowing of how things should be in our lives, how I want things to be in my life. Our constant need to be in control. Because we have a plan! Our plan of how our life should be like and by what path it should go by. We set this plan in our heads a long time ago.
But what if we let go of this plan and would just step in to the flowing stream of life with no plans whatsoever, just having trust. And even if something of such nature happens which we deem “bad”, we would still just keep trusting and see where it takes us? Perhaps after some time when we look back that bad thing looks like the best thing that could have happened.
The enlightened master Mooji says that the only mantra we need in life is “thank you” – whatever life brings us.