How Orgasms Effect Our Relationships

In my previous blogs I have written a lot about the importance of holding back the ejaculation for men. And for women I have explained the downside of clitoris orgasms. In Tantra the explanation is all from the view point of what happens to us energetically and how we feel afterwards physically. It is said that by having explosive peak orgasms we deplete our life energy –ojas. For many people that might sound a like a lot of hocus pocus. Where is that Ojas, show me that Ojas and how can You prove that this is all true. Well today I would like to explain all of this from a different point of view, a scientific one. I found a video recently by a Tantra teacher Alex Vartmann where he explains perfectly the whole downside of the “peak orgasms”.

The peak orgasms are the orgasms where we experience a rise of the arousal up to a certain point and then we experience a explosive 3-5 sec orgasm in the genital area. This is the type of orgasm most people are used to and do not even know that anything else is possible. In Tantra we know that men and women both can experience long lasting full body orgasms, where the energy stays inside and is moved up in the body. The short, explosive orgasms are related in the body to Pudendal nerve. When we orgasms through the Pudendal nerve, we experience the peak orgasms. Now in oder to start experiencing long-lasting internal orgasms, we need to explore our body and open it up to a more deeper experiences and learn to orgasm through other places. Many people have heard about the G-spot, but only a few know that men also have a G-spot, which is their prostate. When men start having orgasms through their prostate, they can also have full body orgasms, that can last 30 minutes or longer, depending on a person. There are 2 more nerves that are in our body, that men can orgasm through: the Hypo-Gastric nerve (connected to prostate, scrotum) and the Pelvic nerve (connected to anus).

The clitoris for women and the penis for men are very similar. It is the female clitoris that becomes a penis in a mother’s womb, when the foetus starts growing, because in the beginning we are all female. So when we orgasm only through the penis and the clitoris, these orgasm are short, superficial and masculine type. For women we never reach a true, deep satisfaction. We will build up a lot of masculine energy in our being and also a masculine shield in the Yoni. When a woman’s Yoni is shielded, her Yoni is not sensitive inside, she can’t often feel anything inside and can have painful areas in the Yoni. With the clitoris orgasms we desensitise ourselves and also we are horny all the times, because we haven’t been really satisfied. As Mr. Vartmann says in his video, that if a woman has never had clitoris orgasms, then usually her Yoni is much less armoured inside, it means it hasn’t got so much painful areas and her internal orgasms will open up often more easily. Many women are starting to feel that longing inside of them, for the deep orgasms, but many women are so disconnected from their body, that they can’t even realise there is something different out there. And when a woman is mainly in her masculine energy, having only clitoris orgasms and she is not deeply satisfied, that effects her whole being. Women become emotional, nervous, stressed etc. They are never truly deeply satisfied.

For men it as as important to learn to stop ejaculating and also reach new levels in their sex life. For men if they ejaculate all the time with their partner, they will soon lose interest for her. In the beginning of the relationship or the “honeymoon phase” we make love 1-5 times per day. But soon this number drops dramatically. This happens because of the hormone levels in Your body. The level of the oxytocin – the bonding hormone drops in Your body immediately after having a peak orgasm and prolactin – hormone that makes us go off our maternal instinct, into the “motherhood” – will go up. Prolactine for men an women both decreases the sex drive, so right after sex You feel You want to pull away from Your partner. And dopamine levels  will start to drop drastically over the next days. If Your dopamine levels are low, You will not feel good, You can get into a fight with Your partner, this happens for both men and women. This is what Alex Vartmann calls the orgasm hangover. I have had clients tell me that every time they had sex and a clitoris orgasm, they would have a huge fight the next day. But what Your men will not tell You is that after they have peak orgasmed with You, they will feel less attracted to You and other women will feel more attracted. Because new things raise up the dopamine levels in the body again. So if You want to be in a long-term relationship and be happy and monogamous, You need to stop peak orgasming with Your partner and learn to surf the wave of orgasms. With peak orgasms men also become desensitised and because they never feel the true deep satisfaction they will keep looking for new partners. This is called the Coolidge effect, after US President Calvin Coolidge. A test was done with rats, where a female rat was put into a cage with the male rat and he would have sex with her and ejaculate and after that a new rat was put in and so on. The male rat would constantly seek for the new female and have sex with them. The men will also want to have multiple partners because they are looking for that true deep long-lasting orgasm. With peak orgasms they will never feel completely satisfied, they just need more and more sex.

I always like to refer to the paragraph from Jolan Chang book when talking about the ejaculation:
"After ejaculation a man is tired, his ears are buzzing, his eyes heavy and he longs for sleep. He is thirsty and his limbs inert and stiff. In ejaculation he experiences a brief second of sensation but long hours of weariness as a result. And that is certainly not a true pleasure. On the other hand, if a man reduces and regulates his ejaculation to an absolute minimum, his body will be strengthened, his mind at ease and his vision and hearing improved. Although the man seems to have denied himself an ejaculatory sensation at times, his love for his woman will greatly increase. It is as if he could never have enough of her. And this is the true lasting pleasure, is it not?"(The Tao of Love and Sex by Jolan Chang)

By learning to orgasm in a Tantric way, You can build up Your feminity and masculinity. Men will become stronger, more stable and more satisfied, with out a need to constantly run around. Women can start feeling more like a woman, opening up and stepping into the true power of their sexuality. Learning to make love in the new way, can change Your relationship, Your health and Your overall well-being.

If You want to check out Alex Vartamann's full video You can do it here:

You can learn to give Your lady long-lasting deep orgasms when You by our Practical Yoni massage tutorial video from here:!lfe/cj6b


Jaya Shivani

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