I have been working in the field of tantra now for the last 3,5 years. Most people I meet on my path are interested in tantra and quite curious of what it really is and what is the difference between a tantric massage and just another happy ending massage. But rom time to time I also come across people whose world-view towards tantra is rather negative. Just recently one of Estonia's tabloids published an article saying that tantric therapy is nothing more than erotic massage with an happy ending. Is it really so?
As said before I have worked as a tantric teacher and therapist for three and half years now. I have been on the path of tantra for almost seven years and as I’m writing this article I’m preparing my third training course for tantric therapists in Estonia. For me tantra is work, hobby and lifestyle. Over the years I’ve seen people go through wonderful awakenings, expansions and great changes. I’ve had great honor to be walking on this path, to witness and experience all this wonder and guiding so many people into this space.
There are disheartening parts as well. Few months ago there was an article published in the Estonian media about tantric massage in the light of closing erotic massage salons in Tallinn. These are salons where an average customer is a man looking for these so called "happy ending massages" in order to experience pleasure, delight and relief and to feel a woman’s touch. The activity of erotic massage salons has always been a questioning point for the police as it’s not really known when the massage will turn to prostitution and how much of the money goes undeclared through those businesses. It also matters that all topics concerning sexuality are taboo in the society.
The journalist, surely being a layman on the topic, argued that if other salons are being closed down then it suffices only to rename erotic massage as tantric therapy and raise the prices at least twofold to stay in business. Vast sadness rose in me when the journalist sent the article for me to comment. I then understood how much need there is for what I do to be understood by the general public - what my job is really about, why and how it is very different from plain erotic massage.
I don’t deny that some salons might call regular erotic massage tantric massage, but in all reality tantric therapy and massage contain some certain elements without which it has nothing to do with tantra.
Why Come To Therapy?
I’m reached out to by people, both men and women, usually for two reasons. The first and the most widely spread is that people have problems either with relationships and/or sexuality. The other main reason is when people turn to me when everything seems to be good, but there is a longing that there’s something more in life to be experienced, discovered, a way to raise the quality of their life.
Sexuality is a topic that for most people is connected to secrecy, fears and shame. It is generally not a topic that people would easily discuss with a stranger. The topic is especially dodged by men. There aren’t really many places for us to turn to with concerns about sexuality.
Of course there are men’s and women’s doctors and sexologists, but frankly the help they give is the sort of which I cannot recommend in most cases. For most problems they offer synthetic medicine, they usually deal with effects and symptoms and not with root causes or reasons of ailments. Sadly such problem solving is only temporary and sometimes not even that. It is likely for the patient’s life quality to go down because many of the prescribed medicines are rather toxic for the human body.
I’m turned to by men with such worries as erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculations, prostate issues, testicular cancer, prostate cancer and many other problems. All the support and guidance my client gets from me usually helps them turn their life around rather quickly.
Sometimes the results can be felt at once and even after the first session. People get well from sleep problems, lose all kinds of ailments, experience a lowering of stress and depression and leave the session calm and blissful. And that state oftentimes lasts for weeks. Of course it is common to walk away blissfully from a happy ending massage as well, but that bliss is usually quick to end.
The Course of the Session
When a person turns to me for a session they must first fill a questionnaire which gives me an overview of the worries they turn to me with. In the first part of the session we converse for an hour to an hour and a half – about childhood, traumas, worries and much more. I try to get a whole picture of the person’s life to see how they have reached where they are now and in what ways could I help them the most.
A part of tantric therapy is indeed the massage of the clients sexual organs – penis i.e. lingam-massage for men and vaginal i.e. yoni-massage for women. A yoni and a lingam are in my eyes exactly the same sort of body parts as any other. As our other parts of the body need massage to relax and heal, so do our intimate parts. Both the yoni and lingam regions collect stress and stuck emotions and the massage helps to release this stagnating energy.
My work method is not to bring people to ecstatic states of arousal. During the session I bring the client to a state of peace through initial relaxing of the body so that onwards from there they can open energetically and experience things they even had no idea existed. I am a common therapist like any other psychologist or masseur. I work with the client to help them. I don’t engage in sexual intercourse with my clients, I am not naked during the session nor do I offer happy ending massages. Though yes, my clients are happy afterwards, but not for reasons some think of.
Knowledge of Sexuality
I could say that many men and women come to me to get proper sexual education. That which our bodies are really capable of and what sexuality truly means – both of which are not taught anywhere these days. There were thorough teachings about sexuality in ancient traditions and they were shared with small groups of chosen. Nowadays this information is spread more openly, but not all are ready to receive it. So for reasons it still is left only for the few chosen.
My line of work is still rather rare in the world, but becoming more and more common. People are evermore understanding of what sexuality really means and how important of a part it plays in our lives. It is the foundation of our relations.
I sincerely ask that the importance of sexuality pierces the general consciousness and brings about deeper interest into what tantric teachings about sexuality really confer and what is the difference between an alleyway erotic massage and true tantric therapy.