I’m sitting behind my kitchen table and thinking. It’s midnight soon and time to go to bed. I’m have to write my last article for a women's magazine and reflecting back on the last one and a half years. Where was I when I started writing and where am I today?
I remember one morning when I was browsing the magazine during my waxing appointment and saw the column about tantra. At the time it was written by Somananda, my first tantra teacher. I was reading and thinking: " I should be writing this column myself". When I got home after my appointment I had received and email from the magazine asking if I would like to work with them. I wondered, which way was it, were my thoughts manifesting or did I just sense something that was already planned.
Some of my life’s greater changes began at that time. I chose to start living separately from my husband and to become fully independent and not in the financial sense, but in the emotional. I found myself entangled and lost in yet another relationship which was far from a conscious one. I felt that I needed to leave the fake feeling of security and take full responsibility for my own life. Such a choice was not easy for me because for the last 20 years I had been in relationships the whole time and it had become a way for me to define myself.
What happiness is made of
I’ve been on a tantric path for almost seven years and changes in my life have been huge. I’ve reached a point now where some of my biggest dreams are becoming reality! And no one else but me has created this experience of a world where even my wildest dreams are coming true. Sometimes it has been hard for me to believe it, but I know that everything is possible.
What have been the crucial elements for me to get to such a place where life unfolds as a fairy tale? First one up is mindfulness. It was a great catalyst for change when I started becoming conscious within myself. Conscious of myself and the world around me. What is my relationship to myself and what is my relationship to the world? I found so many ways to become in greater harmony within myself and with what surrounds me, by starting my path in Yoga and Tantra.
Next one up would be courage. Courage to listen to my inner voice and trust it in each moment. Courage to make changes in my life even when nothing isn’t secure and the path in front of me has not unfolded yet. Courage to trust life and know that it carries us in each moment all the time and will take us to the right place and to the right people.
Third and the greatest art to master for me was to learning that everything in this life and in each moment is perfect in every sense. Before I understood this, I wanted to control everything in my life, people and circumstances, because it seemed more secure this way. Supposing that when I control it all then then nothing can go wrong. In reality I learned that I don’t control anything. The only thing I can control is my mindset and allowing life to be exactly the way it is without any judgements or expectations.
I don’t chase after things and/or people anymore. I know that what needs to be a part of my life is a part of my life also when I’m not trying to forcefully keep it. I let everything flow into my life freely and also flow out of my life. What a wonderful feeling of lightness it is when I know that I don’t have to control anything nor hold onto anything. And I’ve learned that when something leaves my life then only so that something new and wonderful can come into my life.
Fourthly I’ve understood that we’ve come to this world to learn and develop on the soul level. That’s why it’s important to be in a constant growth. We grow only when we constantly and consciously leave our comfort zone. Each day, even a little. If we don’t go for this small effort then life has a tendency to take us very far from our comfort zone at some point. I have been taking myself out of my comfort zone constantly for the past one and a half years and I see now how wonderfully the universe reacts to it. Life has to be enjoyable and full of pleasure, while pleasure should not be the trap we fall into. We should remember balance in all things.
Path of Freedom
My biggest lesson concerning relationships was understanding that most people enter a relationship while being empty inside. Being full of holes and needing somebody to make them feel better. Each relationship consists of two people figuratively sitting at an empty bucket and both wanting to take something from there.
But because the bucket is empty and the emptiness is vast they soon start to blame the other for it: why is the bucket empty and you made the bucket empty. In reality the bucket has never been full. For the relationship to work we need to make ourselves whole and then enter a relationship, because then our bucket will be full and we’ll be going to give not just get. When both fill up the bucket, it stays full and there’s enough to share.
My biggest discovery on this path has been that the most important thing in life is freedom – freedom to be exactly who I am. Our freedom is what the society tries to hinder in many ways and it is also a large part of what makes us unhappy. We are as if animals in a zoo cage.
We are limited at every step. When I want to visit another country I have to ask permission i.e. get a visa. If I wish to swim naked at the beach then I can’t because nudity in a public space is prohibited and punishable. Many countries are even more limiting about each step, word and thought.
We’re expected to get children at a young age without even knowing with whom we would like to have them or even if we are ready for raising children. We’re forced to continue our studies after high-school and to know who we want to become without us having time to get to know ourselves, to think who we are and why we’re here.
Freedom is one of the most amazing feelings in this world. Surely I’m not fully free yet, but my effort to reach complete freedom, to become enlightened, keeps me on my path. So remember that life is a wonderful journey and you are the one who chooses what your journey will be like!