“Love and intimacy are at the roots of what makes us sick and what makes us well, what causes sadness and what brings happiness, what makes us suffer and what leads to healing...I am not aware of any other factor in medicine- not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery- that has a greater impact on our quality of life, incidence of illness and premature death from all causes.”—
Dr. Dean Ornish
Dr. Dean Ornish
Sexuality has been an object of manipulation for centuries. The distorted reputation that has been given to sexuality has seeped into our subconscious and cellular memory. Most people have understood sexuality only as a means for getting children and experiencing short and shallow orgasms. Sexuality has been associated with only the physical body and sometimes as a bothersome primal need that creates a lot of problems.
The true nature of orgasm has been kept hidden from us for a long time. Our bodies have forgotten the cosmic orgasm, because for centuries we’ve been taught that sexuality is bad. This teaching has been used to keep us under control, to hinder our striving for freedom – freedom that comes naturally through being connected to our sexuality. Sex connects us to the energy of ecstasy that connects the human with the divine essence and the information therein. It is very important to purify the negativity in our minds and start turning our attention to conscious use and maintenance of our sexual energy.
Our sex organs are a pathway to pleasure that heals and stimulates the body and presents an opportunity to connect with our greater selves. Sexuality has been so misunderstood that when it is shared between two people it rarely has anything to do with spirituality. All the while sexuality has great potential for opening us to a spiritual world that is based on freedom and where the self is seen as a creator. Regardless of that, sex is rarely used to bridge higher states of consciousness.
Reaching very high states of consciousness through sexuality is easiest while being in a monogamous relationship. Monogamy fits most of society very well because it’s in sync with our vibration. When we have many partners we become more inclined to be less honest and to hide our true nature: we share our energy a little bit here and a little bit there and are less likely to go really deep into honesty.
So generally it’s best to be in a relationship with one person at a time. Stay true, be open and share yourself with the person you’re with and go as far with him or her as you can. If your partner stays for life, it’s great. But in case you reach a point where there is no communication between you two and serving each other has stopped and you feel that the relationship doesn’t support your growth anymore, then it’s time to let go and continue with someone who matches your vibration.
Being with one partner forms trust. Most of us have difficulties with trusting ourselves because it was never taught to us, but we can learn trust in a relationship. A relationship acts as a mirror that reflects from the outside that, which you don’t see inside yourself. Our partner reflects us back to us if only we let it happen through open communication and deep intimacy – when we don’t use sex as a getaway mechanism.
Unfortunately most people use sex to escape intimacy, because of fear of vulnerability. So instead of connecting with each other on an intimate and spiritual level most people shut their emotional center, their heart, build walls around it and go for shallow tip-of-the-iceberg genital sex. Because it is too frightening to go on an intensive deep journey with their partner, into complete body-soul connectivity. Passionate sex can be wonderful, but it is important to understand that experiencing it only on the physical level is still only the tip of the iceberg. There is much-much more that we can experience. No one but ourselves, our beliefs and fears keep us from this abundance that’s just waiting to be experienced, if only we lay down our defenses and let the walls around our hearts fall.
State of Love
The highest experiences in sexuality emerge through experiencing love. It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. It only needs two people who enjoy each other and share their pleasures in ways that open their consciousness to various levels. Love is the essence of our life, it is the essence of our relations and it is the highest of which to develop in ourselves. The vibration of love is most important.
Ideally we should discover our sexuality through feelings. When our sexuality is connected to our heart and is in harmony with our partner, we may experience unbelievable states of being. Through sexuality it is possible to reach a state that is called bliss. Time disappears, any sense of an external world disappears, sense of a separate self disappears and you experience complete liberation. And it is possible to go ever further from here by using meditative states. The more a person has sexual desire, the more talented and open this person is spiritually. Contrary to what we’ve been told, sexuality and spirituality go hand in hand.
Buddha said: “Had there been another enemy as great as sex, I wouldn’t have succeeded on my path.” Buddha too had a great sexual desire, even though we like to believe that spiritual people are not sexual. Yet sexuality is a key, a gateway to higher states of consciousness. Sexuality is not something that should be suppressed or felt ashamed of. Through sexuality we can rise into divine heights, if only we let us look at our sexuality from such an angle.
It is time for us to let go of all negativity that we have in our head about sexuality. We need to make peace with sexuality at our core, we don’t need to keep ourselves away from sex, but to let in new understandings that lift us higher and enable us to soar divine through connecting sexuality with love.
If love is something that constantly creates suffering in your life and you don’t understand why it is so, then it is likely that you’re looking for love outside of yourself. You’re looking for somebody else that would give meaning to your life. If such a person is absent you feel empty and meaningless. And the key to true love is in loving yourself. We keep forgetting it and keep looking for the next relationship to feel complete. In reality we need to learn how to be alone, by ourselves, loving our self. Loneliness is but an illusion, a trick of the mind, we are never really alone.
When you start loving yourself you’ll lose the need for someone else to validate you and only then it is possible to accept what another can give you. When we love ourselves we don’t compromise and stay in relationships with people who make us feel less valuable than we are. Be in the vibration of love in relation to yourself, honor yourself and know that the only lifelong relationship is our relation to our self. Love yourself first.