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How to Treat Women in Bed

I want to write this time about the typical mistakes that men make in bed. Because sexuality is not taught properly in schools or at home, it is no wonder that no one knows exactly how and what to do. Porn movies are the worst place to learn from. The trial and error method can be succesful sometimes, but even women themselves do not know how their bodies work.

Naturally we aren't all exactly alike, but I will try to bring out the most important things and maybe You can find something interesting for Yourself.


1. Men are too selfish or dominant in bed.

I myself have a very vague memory of what it is like to make love to a non-tantric man, but I know that for most women this is their every day reality. If a man uses sex merely to discharge himself emotionally and physically and masturbates inside a woman in 4-8 minutes, then women either can't orgasm, will fake it or make a desperate effort to have a superficial clitoris orgasm before the man ejaculates. If man has sex with a woman only because he wants to ejaculate and then turns over and falls asleep, then it is a great disappointment for a woman. I am not talking about women here who are sexually blocked, do not enjoy sex and are numb inside. Actually often times women have this attitude towards sex because there never has been a man who would make love to them for long periods of time and they have never experienced true pleasure. They have no idea what it means to have deep internal orgasms. For them sex is just an obligation and I can't say I blame them.

Women who do enjoy sex would love to have sex for longer periods of time. In Tantra we say that sex is not an race for orgasm. Orgasm is like a cherry on the cake, but it is important to enjoy the journey and forget the orgasms, they will come. And I am talking here about long lasting whole body orgasms, which can not be compared to 3 second explosive genital orgasms. I will not talk more here about orgasms, who is interested in more can read my blog about different types of orgasms, which can be found in my webpage.

Often times men are too dominant in bed and selfish. Tantric lovemaking is all about the pleasure of Your partner. Why You ask? Because as St. Francsi of Assissi has said: "It is in giving that we receive". The more pleasure You give Your partner, the more You get Yourself. Ask Your woman what she wants and what she likes. Don't decide for her. The woman is the gateway, through which You can experience so amazing things in lovemaking. But You never get to go to that place if You do not change the way You make love.


2. Short or non-existent foreplay

Ancient traditions describe men in bed like fire that lights easily and burns fast. Woman is like water, it takes time to heat up, but when warm will stay like that for a long time. What I am trying to say is that men are usually ready very quickly in bed, but for women this process takes time. There are some women who do not need a long foreplay and that is fine. But most women do. Man should not enter the woman until she is really, truly ready to surrender and welcome the man inside her. Make sure she her Yoni is wet before You enter. Some women can experience vaginal dryness, then ask her is she is aroused and use natural oils. Coconut oil is very good for that, no artificial lubricants and oils, it can cause problems in the Yoni. When man enters the vagina and it is dry, it can cause pain and irritation. Talk to Your partner, ask how she feels, is she is ready. Talking about/during sex is not a taboo, it is absolutely necessary. If You can not talk to Your partner about this, then something is very wrong in Your relationship.


3. Too little or no kissing

When partners have been together for long time, they don't kiss that often anymore. Women complain that we have sex, but he wouldn't kiss me. I am not talking about a kiss on the cheek. But long moist french kisses. Kissing is one of the most wonderful things that I know. Kissing helps us to create a really deep connection with or partner and has great benefit for Your overall well-being and Your health. With kissing we balance each other energetically and exchange necessary hormones. Kissing can relieve pain , burn calories, raise self-esteem, tighten Your facial muscles and increase the the feeling of happiness. People who kiss regularly are more healthier and happier.


4. Woman's body has other erogenous zones than Yoni and breasts.

I took a wonderful workshop last week, calls "Rivers of Love" with David Bruce Leonard. He calls preparing women for lovemaking "circling in for landing", because he says that most women want to be touched last in the Yoni, which is true. Yet so many men reach first for the breasts and the Yoni. If a woman has very sensitive nipples, then is is so uncomfortable when the nipples are touched before she is aroused, it is actually rather unpleasant.

Other erogenous zones on a woman's body are: neck, belly, sides, back, buttocks, inside of the arms and legs, hocks, wrists, hands, fingers and feet. If You caress and touch those places, then soon she will be ready for You to touch her breasts and Yoni.  And very soon she will be ready for lovemaking.

5. Routine in bed

Often times women will say: "I already know his every move in bed, I know what he will touch first, where he will kiss me etc". Men bed is not a place to be lazy, be more inventive. Women are the last people on planet who like routines, it is in their nature to want change. Same thing applies in bed.

Please remember that the worst time to have sex is at night, when everyone is tired and there is no room for creative behaviour then. Like You would never go to gym while being tired or on full stomach, same things apply for sex. Best time to make love is in the morning or then on daytime. Men have the highest testosterone levels in the morning. When men are tired and on a full stomach, they will ejaculate vey quickly and many women can't orgasm at night, because they have no energy left anymore. If You have more energy, then You can make love longer, be more creative and try new things.

Instead of being in Facebook, why don't You spend 15 minutes per day to find something new and interesting to add into Your sex life.


6. Too intense movements/Jack rabbit sex

When entering a woman, the worst thing You can do is start thrusting back and fort intensely. Doing that You can really hurt Your partner. First of all it is not pleasant in the beginning, often lingam will touch the cervix and when the cervix is not warmed up or is not open at all, it can cause a lot of pain. Lingam should be moved slowly back and forth, first working on the points close to the entrance, like the G-spot. Make slow movements and focus on the feeling, as I said: IT IS NOT A RACE FOR THE ORGASM.

The most deepest orgasms can come from the cervix, but it needs to be open before, either with gentle massage or internal orgasms can relax it too. Sometimes intense thrusting is good, but depends on the timing quite often. That is why men need to be really aware of what they are doing and why and what place are You touching inside the Yoni. Stay with Your woman during lovemaking and pay close attention to how her body reacts to different things.


7. She does all the work in bed

Men, we like to be taken. And we like when You are confident in bed, not confusing it with being dominant. If a man lies down and says: "go ahead Honey", then there is nothing sexy about that. It rather makes a woman feel that I have been given an opportunity to masturbate on this man, without him not putting much effort in it. There is nothing sexy about that. Don't get me wrong, it is absolutely awesome to be on top, but not every time we make love and all the time. It is great, when it is one part of the sex, it gives women opportunity to have cervical orgasms and other types of orgasms. But if this goes in 10 times out of ten, it is not really sexy.


8. Men who do not take care of themselves

For a woman foreplay lasts 24 hours. If men are over weight and smelling badly (body or breath), then that is not sexy. Also if they walk around at home all the time with sweatsuits that have holes in them and fart and burp all day and scratch their balls, then sorry....... It would be also nice to trim Your the body hair in armpits and around the lingam and balls. You do not need to shave Your chest and back and belly, no need for that, just trim them in certain areas. If You want to enjoy some oral sex, then it is nice when the hair is not between Your teeth afterwards. Also washing armpits and the genital area would also be good before lovemaking.

As is important as all of the above is that man takes care of his body. Works out few times a week, eats healthy food and keeps himself in a good shape. If You expect us to look like Victoria's Secret models, then please make an effort to look like guys from Calvin Klein underwear commercial:) That was a joke, but taking care if Yourself is important to her and even more important to Yourself. And we do not like men who spend more time in front of the mirror than we do and have more moisturisers than we have. Keep it balanced and take care of Yourself in a masculine way.


9. He comes too fast and leaves her "hanging"

I understand that it can happen for everyone sometimes that You come before she does (although it doesn't happen to Tantric men so often). Please don't turn Your back to Your woman and go to sleep or walk away. She will feel very bad emotionally and physically. You still have a mouth and 2 hands. Be creative and make sure Your woman will also be satisfied even if You have ejaculated before she comes.

NB! NEVER EVER JUST WALK AWAY AFTER SEX AND GO AND WATCH TV!!!

One of the most important parts comes after lovemaking, cuddling. That is the place where the real magic happens. Be there with her and hold her, with that You'll win almost every woman's heart.


10. Men have no clue about female anatomy

Yes, there is Yoni and the breasts and most are also familiar with the clitoris. I have news for You: that is not all. There is also G-spot, A-spot, U-spot, the cervix. Clitoris has legs under the outer labia and goes inside the Yoni and makes a circle around the cervix. There is so much more. And every woman can and should ejaculate. Women can have 7 different types of orgasms. Get to know the female anatomy in a deeper level. If You understand it better, You'll be a much better lover.

All the orgasm types You can find from my previous blog:

http://www.tantrictherapy.eu/#!Full-Body-Orgasm-and-7-Types-of-Female-Orgasms/c240r/CED0DD35-8326-49FA-9CFA-6CFF5B3CF88C


This is not critics towards men or me being judgemental. This is merely some advice how to make Your love life better. I hope it helps You!

Namaste,

Jaya Shivani

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