Lately there’s been an influx of articles about being in a conscious relationship and lots of talk about conscious masculinity and femininity. Attention is being turned to what are our inherent roles and how can they help us to greater harmony in our relationships.
This topic of femininity and masculinity has really been an important topic in my life the last couple of years. Life has forced me to turn more and more attention to the topic of femininity and to work and teach women about femininity and sexuality. I reached a point in my life where I had to take a deep look inside myself and ask: what does femininity really mean? What does it mean to be a woman? Reading a book recently by an Estonian author Katrin Saali Saul introduces the power of femininity through the world of archetypes and I have to say it was very thought-provoking. She describes wonderfully the four feminine archetypes and their characteristics in her book. She also brings out the shadow-aspects of each archetype and gives us a chance to look at ourselves and contemplate on our nature.
How have we arrived at a world where masculine and feminine roles have switched completely? The men are turning more feminine while women are becoming masculine. This effect is utterly devastating on partner relationships! 50-70% of marriages end in divorce. The schools don’t teach us about partner relationships and for most of us there aren’t any good role models at home either. Sadly we often come from homes and society where we lack both examples as well as understanding of what a harmonious relationship could be – where the man is a man and the woman is a woman. It is preposterous that some of the most important parts of life – being a man, woman and a parent – we need to learn by trial and error.
To further understand how we have ended in this world on inverted roles I would paraphrase David Deida who says, that considering recent centuries we’re coming from a relationship model where men are macho-jerks and women are submissive housewives. Women have actually been in the submissive housewife role for quite a while now. In patriarchal societies the man is in a dominating position. Everything is allowed for men and everything is forbidden to women. There were lots of rules and obligations set up for women and they had been denied freedoms of speech, thought and action. The women were completely dependent on men and forceful, dominating men treated them without any respect or love just like slaves. Marriage was like slavery. Strong and smart women were called bitches and witches and burned at the stake.
At one point the women started to break out of this world-setting, getting more independent and proving that they are as valuable as men. This breaking out of the submissive housewife role has happened so powerfully that it has taken women into a very masculine energy and has made them compete with men. This exactly brings more strife than balance to our relationships. The women castrate men and men largely lack respect and trust for women. There’s a lack of mutual support and sustenance in this setting while separation and competing is more rampant.
Nearly each relationship ends up in a power-struggle phase after the initial falling in love ends: there are two persons in the relationship, both in masculine energy, both trying to best the other. Obviously this kind of a relationship model isn’t going to go very far: sooner or later either one partner surrenders or they continue separately.
In my experience all situations in our lives can be improved by awareness. Let’s turn off the auto-pilot, take a step back and take full responsibility for what is going on in our relationship. Let’s face ourselves and ask: am I really in the correct role in this relationship or am I trying to be someone I shouldn’t be by my nature?
What is femininity about? A feminine woman doesn’t compete with her man. She is carried by the energy of love and she shares it with her close ones and friends. Love is something innate to each woman and it only needs to be found inside. A feminine woman takes care of herself, her mental and physical health. She knows very well the things that make her happy and feed her soul so that she can shine. A woman in feminine energy has emotions and she takes responsibility for them. This doesn’t mean there wouldn’t be any quarrels. This just means that the responsibility for our inner worlds is always on us.
A feminine woman shares her feminine energy with her partner: she takes care that the man would have a beautiful and clean home to return to. This doesn’t have to mean that she does everything herself – it’s still organised by her when she hires someone else to do it. If it’s in the woman’s nature to cook then she will put her feminine energy and love into the food to share it with her man.
A feminine woman offers the man love, closeness, intimacy and sex. She knows that her greatest art and skill is to love herself and so is love reflected into each other part of her life. This woman knows how to create and manifest.
The man gives the woman a house and the woman turns it into a home. The man gives the woman a seed and the woman grows a child of it. The man gives the woman a garden and the woman creates a paradise. The feminine woman knows what her greatest gift in this life is and she gladly shares it with others.
A feminine woman keeps herself in constant development and growth. She knows her limits and needs and speaks them bravely. A feminine woman is not dominated by fear, aggression or violence. She knows how important it is to take time alone, to be in nature and to recharge herself. An empty and tired woman has not much to offer to her man or the world.
A feminine woman knows how important her approval, admiration and her respect are to her man – and she doesn’t hold back with it. She is connected to her feminine intuition – one of the greatest gifts that we have been bestowed. A feminine woman has a great connection to her body and sexuality as well and she never uses sex for manipulating or as a weapon. She knows how to accept gifts, compliments and love – in return she presents her heart to the man and allows the man to take care of her.
A feminine woman will attract a masculine man, because opposites attract.