Surveys done on women have shown that 30% of women have never experienced a clitoral orgasm and 40% of women who are experiencing them, need to put in a lot of effort for it to happen. Yet it is the most common type of orgasm for a woman to experience, though not the only type by far.
Sex and sexuality have always played an important role in my life. I started discovering my sexuality rather early and started having a sex life sooner than traditional perhaps. Of course my journey of discovery started from the clitoris. The clitoral orgasm is well-known amongst nearly all women.
In those times I had no idea there might be other kinds of orgasms possible aside from the ones provided by the clitoris. So when one morning I found an advertisement for a tantric course in my mailbox that stated that one of the course’s topics will be about women’s seven types of orgasms, I was rather surprised to say the least. Where do the other six come from? I went to the course with great interest. I was truly amazed when I learned that the clitoral orgasm isn’t one of the best orgasms at all that a woman can experience. I was completely confused and I must confess that it took me about three years to gain deeper understanding and a sense of all of this. Today, having worked for almost 3 years as a tantric therapist and tantra teacher and having opened and expanded my sexuality, I would like to share these insights and explain more about the essence of clitoral orgasms.
Connected to life energy
All who have experienced a clitoral orgasm know that it has an extremely explosive nature – quick, short and very relaxing. This explosiveness brings about a great loss of energy. In tantrism though sexual energy and life energy are considered one and the same, which means both should be preserved. Ojas shakti, the life energy given to us at birth is spent in all our daily activities and emotional experiences – largest amounts of which are spent on physical work and sex, by having clitoral orgasms for example.
Clitoral orgasms don’t give us actual deep satisfaction that would open our femininity. On the contrary actually: clitoral orgasms bring masculine energy into our being. How so? In a mothers belly all fetuses are female for the first six weeks. Only after the sixth week does a boy start to form: a penis grows out of the clitoris and the labia majora forms the scrotum. Thus the clitoris and penis are originally one and the same. Men just have a big clitoris called the penis. The female clitoral orgasm and the regular male ejaculation thus share the same characteristics: neither provides deep extended pleasure, and both have a tendency to leave one feeling empty after an explosive orgasm.
Clitoral orgasms leave a woman internally less sensitive, which is one of many reasons why most women don’t experience internal orgasms. When experiencing the latter a woman’s sexual desire is preserved for a long time and she gets significantly more sensitive. Our body holds many more erogenous zones besides our yoni and breasts and orgasms can be experienced without any touching. All of this requires that we have preserved our sensitivity though.
The secret of body chemistry
Clitoral orgasms affect the emotional side as well. A whole lot of different hormones get released in our bodies during intercourse. Especially men have a need to distance themselves and be alone after experiencing an explosive orgasm, but this need may also arise in women. This phenomenon is connected to our body’s hormonal balance. The level of oxytocin – the love, closeness and bliss hormone – drops in an instant after an explosive orgasm. In case of women their clitoris and nipples are left oversensitive after such an orgasm and thus they might want to be on their own for a while. At the same time the level of prolactin rises. Prolactin among other things configures the woman for motherhood and is responsible for lactation when the woman is nursing. The rise of prolactin in the body turns off desire for both men and women.
The drop in active dopamine levels brings about the greatest change. The level of dopamine in the body drops for about a week after an explosive orgasm. It takes about 17 days for the dopamine levels to normalize. This is called orgasm hangover. We feel good when the level of dopamine in our body is normal. When the level of dopamine drops we start to feel less and less good emotionally. In the days after an explosive orgasm we might thus be crankier, get into fights with our partner easily and feel emptier inside.
Everything new we come in touch with raises the level of dopamine in our body. A new clothing item, a new phone, a new man, woman, mainly the sense of novelty. Our partner might thus seem noticeably less attractive and other men or women more so. This is the reason why both men and women – especially men though – have a hard time being happy and content in a monogamous relationship with their partner when they continually experience these explosive orgasms.
A new perspective on the clitoris
Regardless of above-mentioned, clitoral orgasms aren’t thoroughly bad. The clitoris is the only organ in the body with a sole purpose of providing pleasure. The key to it lies in learning to know the clitoris and starting to experience clitoral orgasms in a different way. The visible part of the female clitoris is like the tip of an iceberg. Most parts of the clitoris are hidden – like the legs of the clitoris that go down under the labia majora and parts of the clitoris extend to the inner walls of the female yoni. The female vagina holds many sensitive spots and a lot of them are directly connected to the clitoris.
To change the ways a clitoral orgasm is experienced one first needs to abstain from overly stimulating the clitoris. To gain better understanding of how the clitoris works one also needs to learn more about how the yoni and the rest of the body work – only then can a woman start experiencing different clitoral orgasms that don’t have an explosive nature and that can be experienced 20 times in a row. More attention should go to the erogenous zones inside of yoni – the clitoris is excellent for exciting a woman, but not for bringing her to orgasm.
Yoni massage is very good for learning the yoni’s internal points. This can be performed by the woman herself or her partner. In case of this process it is most important that the woman is completely focused on her yoni and what she feels there. Constant feedback by either voice or body should be given in case the massage is performed by a partner. Accessories aren’t favored in this case.
By no means should a vibrator be used, as it disrupts the woman’s normal sensitivity of her internal points and makes it very hard to later experience internal orgasms in a natural way – the yoni gets used to intensive stimulation and such stimulation is impossible to provide with a penis. The true path to pleasure begins when women start guiding their partners to explore not so much the clitoris as other erogenous zones on their body and yoni.
It has taken me several years to start sensing and experiencing clitoral orgasms in a different way than before. Now I have become a much better friend with my clitoris. It doesn’t damage my sexuality anymore, but rather I discover more and more new sides of it each day.