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Why We aren’t obsessed with Anal Sex and why we should be

The other day I stumbled on a really bad article about anal sex. The author had completely degraded anal sex and claimed that she doesn’t know any women who have ever initiated anal sex themselves and that it can never be done without the most important lubricant -“wine”. I felt my blood pressure rising. Just because that has been her experience, doesn’t mean that is what anal sex is about. There is no need to bring more shame and resentment into this topic. What we need is to bring more light and understanding.


​​On top of that someone I very much admire for his work in sexuality commented that men love anal sex, because it is done in a position where man and women have no face to face connection. And people who want to have anal sex are afraid of deep emotional connection. Really, I thought? Every time I have had anal sex, it has been in a position where I am not only face to face, but heart to heart with my partner. And it has brought me the deepest connection with these partners.

I have been teaching tantric sexuality for the last 4 years and studied it for 7. The topic of anal sex is the one I  often talk about in my workshops and hopefully it has helped people to see it from a completely different angle. I agree that most men would love some anal play but approximately only 1 in 5 women is actually open to it. There is too much false information, shame and ignorance around it.

I have to admit I have loved anal sex for years. I have initiated it as many times as I guess my partners have. I haven’t drank alcohol for ages and I can’t remember ever needing wine to have anal sex. What I always have needed is a good and gentle lover and opening of the heart.

Anal sex is the one of the most deepest and amazing experiences that two people can have in love making. In order to have good anal sex we need to have a two people who understand the deeper meaning of sexuality,  two people who come to share and give. Our anus will open up when our heart opens up. It doesn’t mean You have to have a long relationship with that person. It just means You have to be in the right energy and we need to have trust. It can be just a one time experience, but if both people can go into their hearts for that time, it can be the most profound pleasure.

I divide men into two categories. There are men who only want to take. Sex for them is  about their own pleasure. Their sexuality is merely a lower energy of lust. The intercourse is all about their ejaculation and race for the orgasm. I do not trust these men in life and I’d never trust them in bed. My body will never open up to them, to take them into the deepest parts of me. Sex with these men always remains superficial and short. These are the kind of men  I avoid.

The second type of men I absolutely adore. These men understand that lovemaking is about giving and sharing. Love making with them is long and deep and it is not about the ejaculation, in fact they might not ejaculate at all, which is what I personally prefer. That allows the love making to go on for hours and You can do it many times with small breaks in between. Those men come from the energy of the heart. With them a woman can open up fully and each part of our body will allow them in. My heart, my Yoni, my anus. I get the deepest orgasms, the most powerful female ejaculations and anal sex is like heaven.

Anyone who has ever had anal sex like that, knows that there are only few things in life that are better. And we don’t need wine for that or anything else that numbs our senses.  Anus is called  “The original Back Door to God”. Because when we go into these orgasms and You can stay in that state for longer periods of time,  it is meeting God, it is full bliss. You are in a such deep state of pleasure that You forget Your name, who You are and where You are.

There is an energy in our body called Kundalini energy. The rising of Kundalini energy in our system causes spiritual awakening, enlightenment etc. That energy lies in our first energy centre – in the root chakra, which is in the lower area of the spine. When the lingam enters into our body, it hits the place where Kundalini lies. That is why we can have such powerful orgasms, because the Kundalini energy is aroused. It will take You to body shattering, long lasting powerful orgasms.

The women that know what I am talking about are the lucky ones and the ones who don’t, please try it. It might take some time to start opening up the anus, but when it does…..Oh My!

Om Shanti,

Jaya Shivani


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